Apple announced that GarageBand, its breakthrough music creation app, is now available for iPhone and iPod touch. Introduced earlier this year on iPad, GarageBand uses Apple’s Multi-Touch interface to make it easy for anyone to create and record their own songs, even if they’ve never played an instrument before. GarageBand 1.1 for iPad, iPhone, and iPod touch is available on the App Store for $4.99 (US) to new users, or as a free update for existing GarageBand for iPad customers. Completely Whipped Man Crying At Wife’s Funeral WASHINGTON—Department of Health and Human Services officials held a press conference Monday to announce that while no studies had been conducted to establish that the practice is unhealthy, people still should not eat candles. Apple today announced financial results for its fiscal 2011 fourth quarter ended September 24, 2011. The Company posted quarterly revenue of $28.27 billion and quarterly net profit of $6.62 billion, or $7.05 per diluted share. These results compare to revenue of $20.34 billion and net quarterly profit of $4.31 billion, or $4.64 per diluted share, in the year-ago quarter. Gross margin was 40.3 percent compared to 36.9 percent in the year-ago quarter. International sales accounted for 63 percent of the quarter’s revenue. WASHINGTON—According to a report from the U.S. Department of Education released Thursday, watching a single episode of the British TV series Downton Abbey is the cultural and educational equivalent of reading an entire book. NEW YORK—The NHL announced Tuesday it would study the possible safety and injury risks of playing hockey on Astro-Ice, an artificial rink-surfacing material used by many teams instead of expensive and difficult-to-maintain ice, the solid state of wa... Facing criticism from religious-affiliated institutions, the Obama administration promised on Tuesday to explore ways to make a new health insurance requirement more flexible. Blog post and video from Microsoft Digital Crimes Unit about company efforts to stop the Rustock spambot. Driving the talks has been a clear recognition that the ever-worsening collapse of the Greek economy will require another increase in bailout funds. After an investigation into a woman’s claim that she was raped by Greg Kelly, a son of Police Commissioner Raymond W. Kelly, the Manhattan district attorney’s office said the facts “do not fit the definition of sexual assault crimes.” In an interview at National Geographic’s Adventure blog, director Tim Kemple of Camp 4 Collective — an outdoor video and film production company — describes using iPhone 4S to shoot a hi-def music video at the Great Salt Lake as an experiment in remote location capture. Kemple reports getting excellent video from iPhone 4S, noting that “because it’s always with you means you end up using it when you’d least expect.” The interview includes tips for stabilizing shots, optimizing for iOS 5 features, using helpful apps in extreme environments, and shooting in low light. Talking Trash Whatever your perspective on how likely Mitt Romney was to lose the Republican nomination race prior to Tuesday evening, it should be acknowledged that he had about the worst results conceivable. The Chicago Police Department has begun a voluntary workshop for officers who wish to tell their own stories and write their own books. FOX 6 p.m. EST/5 p.m. CST Judge Tommy rules that to recover his money from a crooked car dealer, plaintiff Clark Reynolds first has to kiss a dog's butt. In a new tactic for countering the data assault, offices are giving workers a second computer screen and sometimes a third. HOUSTON—Marking a momentous leap forward in humankind's understanding of the universe, NASA scientists announced today they had received a radio transmission confirming the existence of intelligent, extremely condescending life in a galaxy nearly 13... In a special post-speech analysis, panelists discuss what America did to make President Obama so angry he was actually spitting while he yelled at us. Indianapolis Colts Somehow Wind Up With Exact Same Coaching Staff Narcissist Thrilled To Find Symptoms In DSM-IV Just in time for the holidays, Apple’s fifth Manhattan store opens for business at New York’s world-famous Grand Central Terminal at 10 a.m. on Friday, December 9. The store overlooks the historic Main Concourse and features two Genius Bars, entire rooms dedicated to Personal Setup and Personal Training, and an expert team of 315 employees. Holiday shoppers can test-drive Apple products, attend 15-minute Express workshops, get free technical support, and more.